another day with icepyramids in my baileys

Because i forgot the password of our dream blog "ice pyramids in baileys" (yes i did) i am writing down here today. And why I am writing via my plain English is basically the result of another cup of baileys with some ice pyramids in it. (Second time, same feelings flying inside...) Probably I will want Rassa to read it and instead of translating later it is better to write in English now. (even i am not able to express everything via it, but it is ok i guess. we are among friends, isn't it?)
The day ended by watching "Once" and "Heima" one more time. Now in the background the soundtrack is brushing my brain. (How lovely I am torturing myself... Good on me..)
It is getting colder and colder. Not a fresh news i know, but it is important to give hints about the circumstances in order to explain the mood in a right way, right? There is gonna be a Mogwai concert in a couple of days in Stockholm. And probably, again, I won't be able to go. I became a scumbag here. Obviously... Everyday it is gettin harder and harder to get out of bed. Always this weird sadness. No no, I am denying to be called as a "hunted by Scandivain Depression". It is certainly not one of that kind of depressions when people kill themselves out of it. It is more bitter-sweet. Like my baileys with my sweet ice pyramids. Like spoiled milk. Relaxing and disturbing at the same time. I haven't lost my faith on anything yet. No, I haven't. Still I can dream of making music again. Still I can make music in my head. Still I can dream myself walking by the ocean next to Porto, my green skirt flirting with the wind... Still I can dream myself having a beer in Nevizade in İstanbul, and in peace... Someday... In peace, in my own country... Yes I can even dream peace, why not?... Still I can dream myself filled with love and have nothing to worry about to survive, to run the boat anymore... As I told: I haven't lost my faith yet.
It is bitter sweet now. Although the weather is making the city lovely, it is freezing inside of me. You see? Even the climate is bitter-sweet...
I haven't lost my faith... I am still and will be seeking for "Neverland"... Maybe after a couple of more baileys I can see it in my dream?!?
Here is the final song for today...
And in final, it is good to be able to breathe... Isn't it?




When your mind is made up...

so..
if you want something
and you call, call
then i'll come running
to fight, and i'll be at your door
when there's nothing worth running for

when your mind's made up
when your mind's made up
there's no point trying to change it
when your mind's made up
when your mind's made up
there's no point trying to stop it

you see, you're just like everyone
when the shit falls all you want to do is run, away
and hide all by yourself
when you're far from me, there's nothing else

when your mind's made up
when your mind's made up
there's no point trying to change it
when your mind's made up
when your mind's made up
there's no point even talking
when your mind's made up
when your mind's made up
there's no point trying to fight it

so, if you ever want something
and you call, call
then i'll come running.

the journey from milk to water

i was alike pure white milk.
(at least that was what i used tı assume myself as)
one day i realized that
i was tired,
and even
could be called as old,
could be called as boiled water:
with no flavor,
with no color,
and in a cup with flowers
waiting to get colder...

bir troll üm bir de ikinci el sallanan sandalyem var artık... sallanan sandalyem minicik... minik bir teyzenin sallanan sandalyesi olduğunu düşünüyorum...